What is Co-dependency?
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. Co-dependency behaviors are fostered in a dysfunctional family systems where usually a caretaker required most of the attention and resources from the 2nd caretaker thus leaving children to suffer experiences where they felt the fear of abandonment and rejection. In these dysfunctional families, usually the 2nd caretaker demonstrated struggling to appropriately address, confront and take the vital steps in resolving the dysfunctional patterns or cut off the dysfunctional patterns in the family system. In this family system, children often develop insecure attachment styles as children’s emotional and/or physical needs are not met as caretakers exasperate their time and resources on each other. Children often morph into ‘caretakers’ to re-create the very system they were raised in. Sadly, children develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions and often impaired to recognize and set healthy boundaries.
Adults who were raised in these dysfunctional patterns are often drawn to partners who demonstrate struggling with significant challenges in their life including addiction, mental illness, domestic violence, etc.. With these partners, the adult with co-dependency can experience less anxiety about being abandoned, feel secure that they are needed and attempting and perhaps succeeding (in a very unhealthy way) to ‘rescue’ this partner from the consequences of their unhealthy choices. People with co-dependency tend to have low self-esteem and often look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel value and importance.
Recommend read: “CODEPENDENT NO MORE'“ by Melody Beattie.
Recommend connecting with: CODA Groups